Top Ten Reasons for Going to Dad's 60th Birthday Party

We would like to welcome everyone here again.  As the guests were arriving tonight, my brother and I took a poll asking everyone “Why did you come here tonight?”

 

The response was overwhelming. 

 

The results have been tallied up and here are the TOP TEN reasons people gave for coming here tonight:

 

10.       My mother (the Sarge) said “You better be there, or else!”

 

9.         Never saw a 60 year old.

 

8.         My Aunt Alice (the Sarge) said “You better be there, or else!”

 

7.         Needed help finishing last Sunday’s crossword puzzle and knew that everyone that helps Charlie would be here. 

 

9.         Charlie Bacigalupo?  I thought this was a party for Joey Buttafucco.

 

9b.       Wanted to see the man that never heard of the Beatles, believes the Dodgers still play at Ebbets Field, and thinks MTV is a sexually transmitted disease.   

 

8.         Hoping to get a couple of drinks, some pasta, and a cigar.

 

7.5       Since Charlie was going to be here, we figured that there was a good merger or conversion going on. 

 

7.         Wanted to talk to the guy that THINKS he can speak Italian.

 

6.         Wanted to finagle my way into the will of a 60-year old man.

 

6b.       Wanted to learn the origin of the word “Finagle!”

 

7.         The bowling alley was closed and Chuckie Cheese was too crowded, so we came here.

 

6.         Wanted to listen to Charlie ramble on about the relationship between the Intercontinental railroad and the Industrial Revolution or maybe discuss the history of ferry boat traffic on the Hudson River, or, if we really get lucky, learn about how Pumpernickel bread got it’s name. 

 

6b.       Hoping to bring home an Oscar. 

 

5.         Heard that Maisey was going to be here.  

 

4 ½.     Wanted to return his towel from the locker he rented at Coney Island back in 1951.

 

4.         Wanted to meet the guy that once paid for auto insurance on 5 cars yet walked home from the train station every night.  

 

3.         Wanted to see what would happen if L’Affaire ran out of ice cubes. 

 

2.         Never attended an AARP sanctioned event.

 

1.         Wanted to celebrate a special day with a great father, a good friend, and all around nice guy, but since we don’t know anyone like that, we came here. 

 

Please join us in wishing Charlie a very happy and healthy 60^th birthday, or as they say in Italian “VIVOLLVE SEMPE LA FORTTUNA!”